dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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