What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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