Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
