I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
