So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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