Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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