Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
