I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Randomize
