i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
