Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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