considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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