Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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