R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
