Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
