he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
