dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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