I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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