it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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