pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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