Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize