1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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