Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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