I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
