I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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