Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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