i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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