My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
