Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
