I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
