I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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