go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
