Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
