Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think your dad took our porno
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
