that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
