i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
