Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
