Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He did a backflip because drugs
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
