life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
