If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
