she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
