I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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