We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Alive.
So much puke
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
