Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
