we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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