I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
