You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
