Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
