i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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