i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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