I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I understand Curling. That high.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
