i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
