I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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