Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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