So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just googled if crying burns calories
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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