Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
