Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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