Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
