end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
