never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
