Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
