Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
