your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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