I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
