she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
