it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So much rum. So many feels.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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